Hello! Thank you for stumbling upon my little spot on the web.
My name is Dusty Bee. I happen to be a guy who has a lot to live for, and one who has had his life change drastically in the last four months...my hope is that this can be a place for us, together to remember to bee HAPPY, regardless of the circumstances.
I am pretty average in most ways. In my opinion I would say that I have been blessed beyond that which I deserve. I have been mostly healthy throughout my life. I have been able to see a lot of great things, and have been blessed with a desire to work hard to see success. I have two little sons, who are in every way my reason for living. They along with my ability to see through the fog that comes in life as been a tremendous blessing.
I spent nearly all of 30 years of my life mostly stumbling along in this life. I had some really, really incredible days! I have had some days, and experiences that changed my life for sure. But honestly, most of them we're very special. In fact, I think I found myself losing the battle of finding the peace, and joy this life has to offer. Mostly though, I lost what this life is really about, it is about giving and not receiving. It is about how you can change the life of the person next to you, without them even knowing you did it.
"One small act of kindness in the way in which you can change the world" -Morgan Freeman
So...this is where my story begins...a day unlike any other...until suddenly I had to make a choice.
I am divorced. Not ideal, and certainly wasn't my plan, but it needed to happen. That was over two years ago. With that I make a drive to Logan, Utah often. Its a drive that is well worth the payoff. Two handsome, proud, stunningly happy, and amazingly smart little men live there with their mother.
On May 17th 2015, late in the evening after a long day of work, I got into my car and headed south to get my little dudes for a whole week of fun! We had plans to go to the zoo, the movies a few times, and to see all sorts of family! I had been looking forward to it for months! The boy's mom was heading to Cancun, and we wouldn't be interrupted on a boys week! As I drove down to pick them up, out of the blue I sneezed and coughed. Its something that's happened to me a few times...but this time was different. I felt and heard a loud POP in my head. I honestly didn't think anything of it, until I arrived finally in Logan, and my oldest son ran over to me with excitement!
As I leaned over to pick up my little guy, fluid started to flow out of the left side of my nostril. A lot of fluid. I cupped my hand, and it over flowed. While at this moment it seems a little ridiculous, I didn't stop to think something could be wrong. I just washed my hands, and grabbed my little dudes to venture back home for our adventure. As the boys were fast asleep in the back of my pickup, the thought entered and left my mind as soon as it came, could there be a problem?
A few days later, and after having several moments of nose fluid coming, I took my boys to their Doctor check up, and just as I picked one of them up, fluid started to come out again, this time in front of the Doctor. He tested the fluid; and suggested I go to the Emergency Room. This thought was insane to me, I was on vacation with my sons! Two little dudes under 4, we were not going to be going to any emergency room....or so I thought. The next night I woke up early in the morning with fluid all over my pillow, and a splitting headache. It was time to see what was wrong.
The hardest part about reflecting on these moments that occurred over 5 months ago is remembering my handsome little sons that stood next to me, not knowing the seriousness of the moments, They still smiled, and laughed. They in all honesty will never know what it meant for me to have them there, to keep me sane. God works in mysterious ways. Maybe this was the way it was supposed to be all along.
After stopping in at my ENT who did my "routine" sinus surgery in February, we went to the hospital for a lumbar puncture, and then were supposed to be on our way home. The only problem was that there wasn't any cerebral spinal fluid for them to get. They quickly made me lay flat, and admitted me into the hosptial, and my sons left to go to my house with my Mom. It was THIS moment that was the hardest for me, I was tasked with keeping them safe, and suddenly I couldn't. Never again do I want to feel like I cant be there for them, when they need me.
After a few days at our local hospital, it was decided that they would send me to the University of Utah Hospital for to see a specialist that could repair my CSF - Cerebral Spinal Fluid Leak. My mom, and best friend drove through the night to be by my side. The staff at U of U, and Dr. Orlandi embarked on my first 6 hour surgery. When I awoke from that procedure, it seemed like everything was going to be ok, and that within weeks I would be back to normal. It would be like nothing had ever happened. I think somehow, somewhere I knew this wasn't over.
After a few days I was discharged, and I was able to return home. I felt off, and quite sick on that drive home. Something wasn't right. After coming home, I went right to my bed, and tried to continue to sleep. The next morning I woke up with a fever of 103, and was violently ill. My roommate, who in all honesty saved me in more ways than one during this period of time, again rushed me to the hospital. After another spinal tap it was confirmed that I had Viral Meningitis. They admitted me again to my local hospital, and then after a few days, I was taken back to the University of Utah, where they did test, after test, to figure out what was wrong with me...finally they found that my leak was still an issue.
Another surgery, which failed as well went into the books. They were baffled. I still remember the feeling that overtook me, when my nationally recognized surgeon told me I was his worst case that he had seen in his 17 years. What?! I thought?! ME? You cant be serious. They ordered more tests, and talked to more Doctors, and agreed finally to perform another surgery.
A week before this operation was supposed to happen, I had a pre-op appointment, and took this opportunity to take my little dudes to Hogle Zoo! This was an awesome trip, and while we waited for the appointment, I took my guys to the neighboring Primary Children's Hospital. I wanted them to see what it looked like for little kids to need, and we donated money! I hope to always teach them to give back, because again, it is in those moments I have found my truest happiness.
I was nervous this time. They went in, and after an 8.5 hour surgery they thought they had fixed my leak! I was in the ICU for nearly 8 days! Have you ever heard of ICU delirium? I hadn't either, but its a thing. People often hallucinate in the ICU, and boy did I ever. This was the worst 8 days of my life. I think I had 3 hours of sleep in 5 days, and was a mess. It wasn't until in the midst of one of these episodes, that were also induced by all of the medications I was on...I was trying to save my sons from being kidnapped; one of the nurses told me to call, and see if they were ok, so I called, and they were. I was able to tell that they were fake, and FINALLY was able to sleep. In all seriousness this was the worst days of my life. I am writing this nearly a month later, and it still weighs heavy on my mind. A nurse who took extra time, and compassion for me is some one I will never forget. She didnt have too, but she choose to be my saving grace. Thank you Andi!
The first 8 days after surgery there was NO LEAK! No taste! I was healed!! Not so lucky. The leak has progressively returned. The Doctors have given me strict instructions not to lift, and to take it easy; so that is what I am doing. I have a large part of my mind, and heart that want to cry! I want to crawl into a ball, and just cry! Its been a long, heavy summer of 2015. You may think its weird that I know these figures, but when its all you can do to keep your mind off the craziness you are living in...it is the only way!
I have had 4 surgeries with 22 hours under anesthesia
51 spinal taps
19 sinus infections
29 days in the hospital
2 world renounced surgeons
and I still have a CSF LEAK!
Nothing is going to stop me from beating this. I have a reason to live. I have chosen to share this journey with my radio fans, and now on this page for one reason. I don't see many avenues around this world anymore promoting good, clean, and happy thoughts. There aren't many people who go around uplifting those around them. There aren't people teaching strength, and happiness.
Even if I am the only person who does, which thankfully I am not, there are so many others who try to be a light for good, I will continue to try to turn my trials into strength, and inspiration for those around me. God gave me the ability to speak, and to be heard, I am going to use it to do what I can. There are those who believe I do so for attention, or to lift my own light. This is simply not the case, and it is my hope that they will see past this through my actions.
One small step in the right direction is still progress....
Until tomorrow....
Dusty
