Happy Thanksgiving!
Last night I couldn't sleep. In fact I had more nightmares; and they were pretty intense. It seems thats a new normal for me, at least for now. I believe it is because of the 12 surgeries over the last 18 months, and the damage it has caused to my body. Even just the amount of medication that I have been under would cause damage, and I think as it cleans out of my system, I will be having these symptoms. Its a small price to pay to be alive, and I am going to truck through it with as positive of an attitude as I can....
But because I didnt sleep last night, I have been fighting a massive migraine all day. Its another new normal for me, but this one is a little harder to fight. I am grateful that it came on a day off, so I don't have to miss work. I had to miss Thanksgiving Dinner today, because if I got out of bed, I would have been in the bathroom, throwing up.
As I finally felt good enough to get out of bed, I found myself feeling sorry for myself. When I get into that mode, it is a slippery slope, and suddenly I am reliving the whole trial again. Suddenly I am sad about the things I have lost in the last 18 months. I am sad about where I am currently, and how hard I am having to push myself just to live a normal life. Thankfully after a little bit of sad song-ing it, I find my bearings....
I honestly believe I am where I am at, alive, and as healthy as I am blessed to be, because of my positive attitude. There as been a big monster, that has tried to take my life, and so far, I have fought back, and won! So I push myself to get back to that place in every way, as quickly as I can. But tonight as I finally got to that "whole" place, I realized something, and then as I was looking at memes, I noticed a theme...
What do I want? Where do I want to be? What do I need to do to get there? What do I need to change to put me in line with the things I want?
I think in order to reach the placed we aspire to, we must be able to answer these....
--Dusty
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